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Try not to laugh when you read this jokes

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You wear makeup but still look like a vampire, my sister thats what we call Adding salt to an injury😂😂
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• Some girls know you are broke, yet they will get pregnant and tell you they have good news for you.. whats good about the news😂😂
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• My sister if your baby knows how many old men sucked those breast, she’d prefer porridge😂😂
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• Women who can Cook can be so dramatic, u find her wearing an Apron just to boil water😂😂
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• This black lipstick is not for every lady, some of u end up looking like dogs or traditional healers
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• One Ibadan girl has been singing since morning “Shawa kote see kote” Instead of “Yawa go dey see gobe”
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• Something bothers me, those girls who go to night clubs wearing crop Tops and leggings, were do they put their money?
Ahbi dem no get money??
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• So you deleted ur bible App to download Snapchat, I hope u also download a filter that can reduce the heat temperature inside Hell??😂😂
• Sister you are not Rihanna, wear bra and stop showing us that breast that are pointing at your shoes😂😂
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• Girl: Dad, whats better? To pass or to fail?
Dad: To pass obviously!
Girl: oh my God! You’ll be proud of me cos I passe
d my pregnancy text
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• My mom asked my girlfriend if she can Cook, Then she smiled and replied, “
Mummy I cooked the tea we drunk at home this morning”
my mum is still looking for where to faint cos our dog fainted where she suppose to faint😂😂
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• 9ja armed robbers just enter area..;
Everybody kneel down lie! bring out all your money!!
Me: Oga abeg mercy for me, I no hol money abeg nah..
Robbers: Fool! oya stand up! go and make Eba for us osiso! Ijiet😂😂😂
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• U saw a 7 year old girl singing “My money, my body na ur own baby”
when I was her age I was singing ” My head my shoulders, my kneel my toes, they all belongs to Jesus”😂😂
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• Nawao! one plastic of garri is now N1,200 & u ask all these garri sellers they will say cassava is scarce.. Please where is Tekno, he told us he have big cassava,, coman donate ur cassava to ur nation😂😂
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• That moment when you are having trust issue and then your girlfriend updates her status “I love God”
then your mind will now start telling you “It can’t be God in heaven, it could be Godstime or Godswill or probably Godspower_________________________
• I have 2thousand people following me here in Facebook when I don’t even know where am going
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• My problem now is this Airtel people that have been sending my grand mother some beauty tips.. please for what?
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• If you are single be fully single not when you are single your private part will be dating
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• This my neighbor always tag me in her baby’s pics everyday thats why I keep wondering if am raising her child with my data bundle
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• That awkward moment when you finished smoking weed and decided to iron all ur cloths, when you are through you realised u have been ironing without turning on the switch.. ur villlage witches will just whisper in ur hear ‘Is our work o”___________________________
• Using Your Boyfriend’s Picture As D.p Doesn’t Scare Us.
No Be Today We Begin Dey Enter gates wey dem Write
“Beware Of Dogs”
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• Girls are always complaining there are no nice guys. There are nice guys everywhere.
The problem is that your eyelashes are too much.
Don’t insult me ooo, I’m not a small boy😂😂
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• Guys that turn back to look at yansh of every girl that passes
The day you will turn to salt is coming
I have said my own😂😂
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• If you are short, stop celebrating your birthday
You are not growing up…
Don’t insult me I’m not your mate😂😂
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• I bought Bag of rice for #20,000 and you are expecting me not to use the sack bag to sew cloth?
Are you sure you are okay???
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• Stealing meat from okro soup is very stressful
You steal one meat and okro will draw a perpendicular line from the kitchen to the bedroom
Mtchewww
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•When you are 30+ you will never see a single person
You have to destroy a relationship to be in a relationship
Thank me later
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•My Sister Big Bumbum with ugly face is like Public Holiday on a Saturday
It’s a Waste
Wisdom will not kill me
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•Don’t wear white on someone else’s wedding, it’s not your time to shine
Don’t insult me, I’m not feeling fine
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• There are some people on your friend list that look at your timeline all the time, but they don’t really like you, so they never comment on or like any of your posts, but they can’t delete you cos they want to know what you are doing
The level of Witchcraft in Nigeria will kill somebody one day😂😂
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• So the only thing Satan can do to the naked eve is only to convince her to eat the forbidden fruit.. that nigger must be a gay
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• No one is more respectful than a person who comes to borrow money from you.. he can even greet ur dog “Hello bingo how are you”
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• Just because of one fine osher girl thats why u give all ur money in the offering box, now u are looking for a lift..
bro, can’t u see the devil is using ur sense to dance Wo! by Olamide
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• You are 45yrs old and you still dance and shout when Nepa bring light..
pls bro, come my side we have psycatric hospital
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• Beyonce just sent me a friend request, but her location is showing me Ajegunle, Nigeria
Ahbi has beyoncy relocated?
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• A wise man once said:
“The best way to fall in a relationship is to fall with parachute”
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• That moment when you buy iPhone 7 for 200k and it has Nokia Ringing tune
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• Where are those slay queens that lost their virginity cos of iPhone 7.. now iPhone 8 is out, hope u ready to loose ur destiny?
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• You bought iPhone 7 this morning and in the evening it fell into water.. Don’t worry too much, just take the earphone and hang your self
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• My fear for weed started when I saw my friend’s father dabbing for Osadebe song
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• So this guy has refused to go home simply because he posted on Facebook;
“A father that is not like Dangote, is that one a father” and his father liked it
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• A Yoruba man will still count money from ATM machine😂😂
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• That moment when you’re drunk and want to jump
across a gutter not knowing you are about to jump off third mainland bridge..

  Oya laff small

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Employment seeking girl steals N108k from her prospective employer

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Opportunity comes but once, this young girl believes as she stole N108k from her prospective employer. A female jobseeker has been captured for taking One Hundred and Eight Thousand Naira amid her prospective employee meeting in Delta State.

It was accumulated that the businessperson at the organization had ventured out to get something, leaving the suspect in the workplace. The young lady professedly utilized the chance to take N108k and fled.

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Good fortune, be that as it may, ran out on her, days after the fact, while going through the road where the workplace is found. She was expeditiously caught and dragged to her home where the rest of the cash was recovered.

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Lagos tenant uses Landlord’s apartment to dupe house appliance vendors of N50 million

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Read this narration by twitter handle, @Wenogetjob, which tells of how he eavesdropped on a couples conversation of a duping man. The man rented a house for 2 month, bought expensive items worth up to N50 million on credit. Left the rented apartment with all the appliances he has not paid for, after winning the trust of the sellers.

Hey peepz, I have a gist tho I don’t know if it’s true or not..But I will say it Sha. I was just walking on the street 2receive fresh air when I saw a couple. d man was telling his wife about an incident. I kukuma slowed down an walked behind them to hear d full gist.

It was more like a scam story. A certain man walked up to a Landlord in our area and requested to rent his apartment for 2 months, with the excuse that he was traveling to Canada and just came to Lagos for the Visa Processing.. They agreed on 150K.

The man paid and took ownership of the apartment.He then went out to Vendors in town and negotiated to buy expensive items on lease. With installment payment plans.. He was said to have collected home appliance worth N50,000,000 from various vendors.

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He then took them all to the apartment one by one to build trust. At least once they know he lives there, they can easily come around and pack their stuffs if he defaults, these people didn’t know what would hit them was going to be deadlier than Tsunami.

As agreed with the Landlord, the man packed out even earlier than expected… Left with all the items, of which he had not finished the payment..and the Landlord was so happy to have struck a better deal He immediately rented out the apartment to another family.

One by one, the creditors began to come in and same story was relieved to them.. Some fainted, some threatened hell fire …. To cut the long story short, Baba Ijebu was arrested alongside the new tenant.. You know Naija now… #POLICE  no wan hear wuen

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They were only saved after a Landlord intervened. He is a legal practitioner and took up the case. But sincerely speaking. I wonder how some people feel at rest knowing fully well their victims would suffer.  I guess it all centers on lack of conscience. This is bad #dojon

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js Read Also: UPDATE!!! Offa Bank robbers caught by the phones they gave their girlfriends

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How a middle-aged man died after withdrawing N100,200 from the bank will shock you

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How a middle-aged man died after withdrawing N100,200 from the bank will shock you

What could have taken the life of a middle-aged man, identified only as Muyibi, who collapsed and died in a commercial cab in the Ojota area of Lagos State.

PUNCH Metro reports that Muyibi boarded the cab after withdrawing money from a United Bank for Africa branch in the Ogudu area. Then the driver had turned to to take his fee from Muyibi when he realized the man had become motionless. After reaching the terminus, a resident told Punch’s correspondent that the driver alighted from the cab to slightly push Muyibi, who was cold.

The resident, who did not want to be identified, said,

“The driver had picked some other passengers along the way, and they had all paid and dropped off at their various bus stops.
“When the victim did not respond when they got to the terminus, the driver parked the cab to rouse him, but he was cold.
The driver raised the alarm, which drew the attention of commuters and passersby to the scene. People checked him and discovered that the man was dead.”

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Policemen from the Ogudu division were said to have been alerted to the incident. The driver’s vehicle was impounded just like that, while the man’s body was deposited in a morgue.

A source person at the terminus who spoke with Punch newspaper confirmed the incident, saying:

“It happened around 3pm on Friday. The man went to withdraw some money in UBA. The Ogudu Divisional Police Officer was compassionate; she pitied the cab driver, who had become jittery.
Although the man was not detained, his cab was impounded at the station pending when the deceased’s family would show up,” he added.

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Lagos state Police Public Relations Officer, SP Chike Oti, said the police recovered N100,200 from the victim’s bag.

He said:

“The man was on his way to Ojota when he collapsed and died. We recovered the sum of N100,200 from his bag.
He also had a phone, which had a new SIM card. There is no contact on the phone and nobody has called him. We have a lead as to where he could be living.
His body has been deposited in a morgue for autopsy.”

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