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Try not to laugh when you read this jokes

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You wear makeup but still look like a vampire, my sister thats what we call Adding salt to an injury😂😂
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• Some girls know you are broke, yet they will get pregnant and tell you they have good news for you.. whats good about the news😂😂
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• My sister if your baby knows how many old men sucked those breast, she’d prefer porridge😂😂
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• Women who can Cook can be so dramatic, u find her wearing an Apron just to boil water😂😂
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• This black lipstick is not for every lady, some of u end up looking like dogs or traditional healers
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• One Ibadan girl has been singing since morning “Shawa kote see kote” Instead of “Yawa go dey see gobe”
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• Something bothers me, those girls who go to night clubs wearing crop Tops and leggings, were do they put their money?
Ahbi dem no get money??
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• So you deleted ur bible App to download Snapchat, I hope u also download a filter that can reduce the heat temperature inside Hell??😂😂
• Sister you are not Rihanna, wear bra and stop showing us that breast that are pointing at your shoes😂😂
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• Girl: Dad, whats better? To pass or to fail?
Dad: To pass obviously!
Girl: oh my God! You’ll be proud of me cos I passe
d my pregnancy text
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• My mom asked my girlfriend if she can Cook, Then she smiled and replied, “
Mummy I cooked the tea we drunk at home this morning”
my mum is still looking for where to faint cos our dog fainted where she suppose to faint😂😂
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• 9ja armed robbers just enter area..;
Everybody kneel down lie! bring out all your money!!
Me: Oga abeg mercy for me, I no hol money abeg nah..
Robbers: Fool! oya stand up! go and make Eba for us osiso! Ijiet😂😂😂
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• U saw a 7 year old girl singing “My money, my body na ur own baby”
when I was her age I was singing ” My head my shoulders, my kneel my toes, they all belongs to Jesus”😂😂
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• Nawao! one plastic of garri is now N1,200 & u ask all these garri sellers they will say cassava is scarce.. Please where is Tekno, he told us he have big cassava,, coman donate ur cassava to ur nation😂😂
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• That moment when you are having trust issue and then your girlfriend updates her status “I love God”
then your mind will now start telling you “It can’t be God in heaven, it could be Godstime or Godswill or probably Godspower_________________________
• I have 2thousand people following me here in Facebook when I don’t even know where am going
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• My problem now is this Airtel people that have been sending my grand mother some beauty tips.. please for what?
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• If you are single be fully single not when you are single your private part will be dating
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• This my neighbor always tag me in her baby’s pics everyday thats why I keep wondering if am raising her child with my data bundle
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• That awkward moment when you finished smoking weed and decided to iron all ur cloths, when you are through you realised u have been ironing without turning on the switch.. ur villlage witches will just whisper in ur hear ‘Is our work o”___________________________
• Using Your Boyfriend’s Picture As D.p Doesn’t Scare Us.
No Be Today We Begin Dey Enter gates wey dem Write
“Beware Of Dogs”
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• Girls are always complaining there are no nice guys. There are nice guys everywhere.
The problem is that your eyelashes are too much.
Don’t insult me ooo, I’m not a small boy😂😂
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• Guys that turn back to look at yansh of every girl that passes
The day you will turn to salt is coming
I have said my own😂😂
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• If you are short, stop celebrating your birthday
You are not growing up…
Don’t insult me I’m not your mate😂😂
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• I bought Bag of rice for #20,000 and you are expecting me not to use the sack bag to sew cloth?
Are you sure you are okay???
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• Stealing meat from okro soup is very stressful
You steal one meat and okro will draw a perpendicular line from the kitchen to the bedroom
Mtchewww
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•When you are 30+ you will never see a single person
You have to destroy a relationship to be in a relationship
Thank me later
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•My Sister Big Bumbum with ugly face is like Public Holiday on a Saturday
It’s a Waste
Wisdom will not kill me
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•Don’t wear white on someone else’s wedding, it’s not your time to shine
Don’t insult me, I’m not feeling fine
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• There are some people on your friend list that look at your timeline all the time, but they don’t really like you, so they never comment on or like any of your posts, but they can’t delete you cos they want to know what you are doing
The level of Witchcraft in Nigeria will kill somebody one day😂😂
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• So the only thing Satan can do to the naked eve is only to convince her to eat the forbidden fruit.. that nigger must be a gay
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• No one is more respectful than a person who comes to borrow money from you.. he can even greet ur dog “Hello bingo how are you”
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• Just because of one fine osher girl thats why u give all ur money in the offering box, now u are looking for a lift..
bro, can’t u see the devil is using ur sense to dance Wo! by Olamide
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• You are 45yrs old and you still dance and shout when Nepa bring light..
pls bro, come my side we have psycatric hospital
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• Beyonce just sent me a friend request, but her location is showing me Ajegunle, Nigeria
Ahbi has beyoncy relocated?
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• A wise man once said:
“The best way to fall in a relationship is to fall with parachute”
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• That moment when you buy iPhone 7 for 200k and it has Nokia Ringing tune
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• Where are those slay queens that lost their virginity cos of iPhone 7.. now iPhone 8 is out, hope u ready to loose ur destiny?
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• You bought iPhone 7 this morning and in the evening it fell into water.. Don’t worry too much, just take the earphone and hang your self
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• My fear for weed started when I saw my friend’s father dabbing for Osadebe song
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• So this guy has refused to go home simply because he posted on Facebook;
“A father that is not like Dangote, is that one a father” and his father liked it
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• A Yoruba man will still count money from ATM machine😂😂
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• That moment when you’re drunk and want to jump
across a gutter not knowing you are about to jump off third mainland bridge..

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Woman arrested for scamming church in Ogun state of N100m

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A 39-year old woman, Iwuagwu Onyinyechi, has been apprehended by the Ogun police command after she defrauded a Christian church the sum of N100m, under the disguise of assisting the church to raise fund for her charity programme. Onyinyechi was able to defraud the church with forged documents three good times.

The police command in a statement read by its spokesman on Sunday Abimbola Oyeyemi, said Onyinyechi’s arrest followed a complain filed by a lawyer of the church, Godswill Ojakovo, to the Ogun State Commissioner of Police, in which he said that his client, the church, was defrauded by Onyinyechi through an act of forgery.

According to the spokesman, Oyeyemi, the suspect claimed to have obtained a Local Purchase Order (LPO) from a property company and pleaded to the church to help fund the LPO, after which a sum of N33.118m was successfully transferred into to her bank account.

Woman arrested for scamming church in Ogun state of N100m

While the church was awaiting the repayment of the loan, Onyinyechi came with another two LPOs she claimed she got from a Catholic Hospital, Iju and a private school in Ikorodu, Lagos State. Another sum of N77m was given to her, after convincing the church with relevant documents and proofs to back her claims.

But as soon as Onyinyechi got the last payment in September 2018, she went loose and this prompted the church to make discreet inquiries about the LPOs she submitted and found out that they were forged.

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Tanzania woman attacked by her husband for refusing to give him anal sex

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A married woman from Kijichi Mkoa, Western Zanzibar in Tanzania is left with deep cuts on her face after a fight with her husband whom she refused to give anal sex.

The victim says her husband been making moves to get his demands but she has been refusing only because Islam does not support anal sex. The victim says her partner says she is being “naive” on matters with sex.

Tanzania woman attacked by her husband for refusing to give him anal sex

“He began demanding anal sex from me three months after our wedding. I told him: ‘no’; straight away! He, however, kept on urging me to give in to his demands. Even when I was seven months pregnant, he still wanted to have anal sex with me. I stood my ground, nonetheless,”-  the victim told Tanzania’s Mwananchi Newspaper .

The lady revealed that her husband was rejected by two women because he asked them of the same act. The accused, denied his wife’s claims, saying the fight between them broke out after his in-laws (wife relatives) demanded a lot of money as dowry from him.

According to him, his wife’s family mocks him for being “broke”.

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