1.What is witchcraft?
Witchcraft is when your father sell his only portion of land and send you abroad to study Medicine and you come back after 7 years as a DJ
2.ur boyfriend’s friends know that you are not the main chick of your boyfriend and yet
they call you “Our wife” May something as heavy as Rick Ross sit on their destinies
Are we together?
3.I heard dat Ghosts chased the
Brazilian President out of
the Presidential villa.Nigeria
Ghosts una don see wetin una mates dey do? If it is to
marry a Human being and
become their spiritual Husband
or Wife, na there una go
carry First. ..
4.That moment that you are staring at an ugly girl.she will
‘ this boy is falling in love with
not knowing that you are just
trying to figure out which
animal she resemble. 5.teacher,who betrayed Jesus
christ in the bible
IBNL JUDAS IS CARROT.
6.observed this lately Many
Nigerians will go 2 Russia
For the 2018 WorldCup Not to support Nigeria but to
For d founder of MMM.
7.When You are starving and
You Hear “Jellof Rice will
Soon Finish oo” But the Yeye Photographer will still Be
saying ” Oya Smile This Is the
Last One” ‘Say Cheese’
8.I wanted to go for jogging
this morning but
proverb 28:1 says the wicked run’s when no
man is chasing them So I
9.Ghosts in Nollywood fear cars
when crossing the road
because they don’t want to die again
If you advise me to stay in
10.FRANCA So Bcus The Doctor
Asked You To Change Ur
Drinking Habit, U Now Drink Beer With Spoon.
You will nor kill me o
M trying to hold ma faint
11.A friend of mine asked me
if I’m willing to go to
London… See question!! Who wnt to sty here.
14.My mother-in-law visited me
and my wife
but coincidentally,that day my
feeling horny and she did not want to whisper to me
since i was busy sharing stories
with her mother. My wife
tricked me by pretending she
has headache and went
straight to the bedroom. After some minutes, I followed
her leaving her mother in the
sitting room.I took some
time there,but wen I came
I had forgotten to close my zip. Mother-in-law How is she
Me: She is now feeling better, I
have given her
mother inlaw ok close the pharmcy its open.
15.A man fainted in my domain
for reason best known to
him and he’s yet to rise, reason
being that he violated law
of fainting which says in section 14 (thus, Thou shall not
faint without asking for
Fainting Space), In subsection
it also says Thou shall not faint
without asking your neighbour to shift for you
before fainting. But that’s story
for another day
16.Dating a slim girll is good
and nice but don’t be
surprise wen she get pregnant because
she will look like spoiled Nokia
battery dat have swell up.
17.Girls have three type of
..Normal panties, Period/ menses panties and
“he is coming panties” .
18.Ladies are some how
wicked ooh Girls that are
people’s boifriend, ARE THEY NOT
19.Me:hi,hw r u
OBONG: am fine….
Me:where r u?
OBONG: uniport… Me: what r u studying..
OBONG: banking and
Me: financial chemistry and my
sis (LOHITA) is studying
political carpentry..I tire for 9ja slay queens oooo’
20.GRACE : Baby are u still
coming ?. (11:00)
GRACE : Give me 20 minutes.
ME : ok, i’ll be waiting. (15:15) GRACE : just be patient. (16:00)
ME:Where are you now ?.
GRACE : Give me 30 minutes.
ME : Are you still coming ?. (18:00)
GRACE : I can’t make it, it’s late.
Some ladies are Evil
20.Not every girl who is single
looks terrible. Its just that some of them are drinking too
21.I thought being a South
African was stressful till I met
an Arab guy called; Saq Madik.
How will he mention his name during job interviews?
Madam: Your full names
Guy: Saq Mahdik
Madam: Suck what???
Guy: Mahdik…… 22.Evrythng on a woman’s
upper body starts wth B:
Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs.
& lower body wth P:
Petticoat, panties, pussy.
Dont panic bro Thats “BP” 4 u. 23.Mango : I am a yellow bone
when ripen, used for
making atchaar when raw, and
i look like a human
Grapes: i am looking like a human eye, and i am a wine
Banana : please guys, let’s drop
25.Mosquitoes of nowadays
have no respect again.They will cum to ur ears nd be
singing: “Iffa tell u say i luv u
ooo.ur body,ur blood na my
own oo baby.30Litres for ur
tummy oo,malaria nd suckness
for ur body o baby”. A smart guy like me will quickly
compose my own track
Ar u don talking?
Ar u don talking?
Mosquito are u done talking?
Sniper fall on u Otapiapia fall on u
coil fall on u cuz i go kill u eeh
BONUS I told a lady my dad is a
FARMER,he has a
plantain plantation And she
also told me her uncle is a farmer,he has a cassava
cassavation,yam yamation and
maize maization I’m still
looking at her face since
yesterday, What should I tell
Employment seeking girl steals N108k from her prospective employer
Opportunity comes but once, this young girl believes as she stole N108k from her prospective employer. A female jobseeker has been captured for taking One Hundred and Eight Thousand Naira amid her prospective employee meeting in Delta State.
It was accumulated that the businessperson at the organization had ventured out to get something, leaving the suspect in the workplace. The young lady professedly utilized the chance to take N108k and fled.
Good fortune, be that as it may, ran out on her, days after the fact, while going through the road where the workplace is found. She was expeditiously caught and dragged to her home where the rest of the cash was recovered.
Lagos tenant uses Landlord’s apartment to dupe house appliance vendors of N50 million
Hey peepz, I have a gist tho I don’t know if it’s true or not..But I will say it Sha. I was just walking on the street 2receive fresh air when I saw a couple. d man was telling his wife about an incident. I kukuma slowed down an walked behind them to hear d full gist.
It was more like a scam story. A certain man walked up to a Landlord in our area and requested to rent his apartment for 2 months, with the excuse that he was traveling to Canada and just came to Lagos for the Visa Processing.. They agreed on 150K.
The man paid and took ownership of the apartment.He then went out to Vendors in town and negotiated to buy expensive items on lease. With installment payment plans.. He was said to have collected home appliance worth N50,000,000 from various vendors.
He then took them all to the apartment one by one to build trust. At least once they know he lives there, they can easily come around and pack their stuffs if he defaults, these people didn’t know what would hit them was going to be deadlier than Tsunami.
As agreed with the Landlord, the man packed out even earlier than expected… Left with all the items, of which he had not finished the payment..and the Landlord was so happy to have struck a better deal He immediately rented out the apartment to another family.
One by one, the creditors began to come in and same story was relieved to them.. Some fainted, some threatened hell fire …. To cut the long story short, Baba Ijebu was arrested alongside the new tenant.. You know Naija now… #POLICE no wan hear wuen
They were only saved after a Landlord intervened. He is a legal practitioner and took up the case. But sincerely speaking. I wonder how some people feel at rest knowing fully well their victims would suffer. I guess it all centers on lack of conscience. This is bad #dojon
It was more like a scam story. 🙆 A certain man walked up to a Landlord in our area and requested to rent his apartment for 2 months, with the excuse that he was traveling to Canada 🍁 and just came to Lagos for the Visa Processing.. They agreed on 150K.
— Diary of a Jobless Nigerian Youth (@wenogetjob) May 15, 2018
How a middle-aged man died after withdrawing N100,200 from the bank will shock you
What could have taken the life of a middle-aged man, identified only as Muyibi, who collapsed and died in a commercial cab in the Ojota area of Lagos State.
PUNCH Metro reports that Muyibi boarded the cab after withdrawing money from a United Bank for Africa branch in the Ogudu area. Then the driver had turned to to take his fee from Muyibi when he realized the man had become motionless. After reaching the terminus, a resident told Punch’s correspondent that the driver alighted from the cab to slightly push Muyibi, who was cold.
The resident, who did not want to be identified, said,
“The driver had picked some other passengers along the way, and they had all paid and dropped off at their various bus stops.
“When the victim did not respond when they got to the terminus, the driver parked the cab to rouse him, but he was cold.
The driver raised the alarm, which drew the attention of commuters and passersby to the scene. People checked him and discovered that the man was dead.”
Policemen from the Ogudu division were said to have been alerted to the incident. The driver’s vehicle was impounded just like that, while the man’s body was deposited in a morgue.
A source person at the terminus who spoke with Punch newspaper confirmed the incident, saying:
“It happened around 3pm on Friday. The man went to withdraw some money in UBA. The Ogudu Divisional Police Officer was compassionate; she pitied the cab driver, who had become jittery.
Although the man was not detained, his cab was impounded at the station pending when the deceased’s family would show up,” he added.
Lagos state Police Public Relations Officer, SP Chike Oti, said the police recovered N100,200 from the victim’s bag.
“The man was on his way to Ojota when he collapsed and died. We recovered the sum of N100,200 from his bag.
He also had a phone, which had a new SIM card. There is no contact on the phone and nobody has called him. We have a lead as to where he could be living.
His body has been deposited in a morgue for autopsy.”
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