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Jokes to brighten up your day

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1.What is witchcraft?

Witchcraft is when your father sell his only portion of land and send you abroad to study Medicine and you come back after 7 years as a DJ

2.ur boyfriend’s friends know that you are not the main chick of your boyfriend and yet

they call you “Our wife” May something as heavy as Rick Ross sit on their destinies

Are we together?

3.I heard dat Ghosts chased the

Brazilian President out of

the Presidential villa.Nigeria

Ghosts una don see wetin una mates dey do? If it is to

marry a Human being and

become their spiritual Husband

or Wife, na there una go

carry First. ..

4.That moment that you are staring at an ugly girl.she will

‘ this boy is falling in love with

me’

not knowing that you are just

trying to figure out which

animal she resemble. 5.teacher,who betrayed Jesus

christ in the bible

IBNL JUDAS IS CARROT.

6.observed this lately Many

Nigerians will go 2 Russia

For the 2018 WorldCup Not to support Nigeria but to

look

For d founder of MMM.

7.When You are starving and

You Hear “Jellof Rice will

Soon Finish oo” But the Yeye Photographer will still Be

saying ” Oya Smile This Is the

Last One” ‘Say Cheese’

8.I wanted to go for jogging

this morning but

proverb 28:1 says the wicked run’s when no

man is chasing them So I

stopped

9.Ghosts in Nollywood fear cars

when crossing the road

because they don’t want to die again

If you advise me to stay in

Nigeria ehn!

10.FRANCA So Bcus The Doctor

Asked You To Change Ur

Drinking Habit, U Now Drink Beer With Spoon.

You will nor kill me o

M trying to hold ma faint

11.A friend of mine asked me

  Charly Boy said something on Biafran that will move you

if I’m willing to go to

London… See question!! Who wnt to sty here.

14.My mother-in-law visited me

and my wife

but coincidentally,that day my

wife was

feeling horny and she did not want to whisper to me

since i was busy sharing stories

with her mother. My wife

tricked me by pretending she

has headache and went

straight to the bedroom. After some minutes, I followed

her leaving her mother in the

sitting room.I took some

time there,but wen I came

back

I had forgotten to close my zip. Mother-in-law How is she

feeling now?

Me: She is now feeling better, I

have given her

paracitamol

mother inlaw ok close the pharmcy its open.

15.A man fainted in my domain

for reason best known to

him and he’s yet to rise, reason

being that he violated law

of fainting which says in section 14 (thus, Thou shall not

faint without asking for

Fainting Space), In subsection

13,

it also says Thou shall not faint

without asking your neighbour to shift for you

before fainting. But that’s story

for another day

16.Dating a slim girll is good

and nice but don’t be

surprise wen she get pregnant because

she will look like spoiled Nokia

battery dat have swell up.

17.Girls have three type of

panties.

..Normal panties, Period/ menses panties and

“he is coming panties” .

18.Ladies are some how

wicked ooh Girls that are

snatching other

people’s boifriend, ARE THEY NOT

SEEING ME???

19.Me:hi,hw r u

OBONG: am fine….

Me:where r u?

OBONG: uniport… Me: what r u studying..

OBONG: banking and

surgery,,,,u??

Me: financial chemistry and my

sis (LOHITA) is studying

political carpentry..I tire for 9ja slay queens oooo’

20.GRACE : Baby are u still

coming ?. (11:00)

GRACE : Give me 20 minutes.

(13:15)

ME : ok, i’ll be waiting. (15:15) GRACE : just be patient. (16:00)

  Zookeeper at Kaliningrad zoo attacked by Siberian tiger in Russia

ME:Where are you now ?.

(16:30)

GRACE : Give me 30 minutes.

(17:20)

ME : Are you still coming ?. (18:00)

GRACE : I can’t make it, it’s late.

(19:00)

Some ladies are Evil

20.Not every girl who is single

looks terrible. Its just that some of them are drinking too

much.

21.I thought being a South

African was stressful till I met

an Arab guy called; Saq Madik.

How will he mention his name during job interviews?​​​​

Madam: Your full names

please?

Guy: Saq Mahdik

Madam: Suck what???

Guy: Mahdik…… 22.Evrythng on a woman’s

upper body starts wth B:

Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs.

& lower body wth P:

Petticoat, panties, pussy.

Dont panic bro Thats “BP” 4 u. 23.Mango : I am a yellow bone

when ripen, used for

making atchaar when raw, and

i look like a human

kidney.

Grapes: i am looking like a human eye, and i am a wine

raw material.

Banana : please guys, let’s drop

this topic.

25.Mosquitoes of nowadays

have no respect again.They will cum to ur ears nd be

singing: “Iffa tell u say i luv u

ooo.ur body,ur blood na my

own oo baby.30Litres for ur

tummy oo,malaria nd suckness

for ur body o baby”. A smart guy like me will quickly

compose my own track

Ar u don talking?

Ar u don talking?

Mosquito are u done talking?

Sniper fall on u Otapiapia fall on u

coil fall on u cuz i go kill u eeh

BONUS I told a lady my dad is a

FARMER,he has a

plantain plantation And she

also told me her uncle is a farmer,he has a cassava

cassavation,yam yamation and

maize maization I’m still

looking at her face since

yesterday, What should I tell

her?

Read Also: Mr 2kay sues Eko Hotel and Suites for N500 million after he was beaten to pulp in the hotel

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Employment seeking girl steals N108k from her prospective employer

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Opportunity comes but once, this young girl believes as she stole N108k from her prospective employer. A female jobseeker has been captured for taking One Hundred and Eight Thousand Naira amid her prospective employee meeting in Delta State.

It was accumulated that the businessperson at the organization had ventured out to get something, leaving the suspect in the workplace. The young lady professedly utilized the chance to take N108k and fled.

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Good fortune, be that as it may, ran out on her, days after the fact, while going through the road where the workplace is found. She was expeditiously caught and dragged to her home where the rest of the cash was recovered.

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Lagos tenant uses Landlord’s apartment to dupe house appliance vendors of N50 million

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Read this narration by twitter handle, @Wenogetjob, which tells of how he eavesdropped on a couples conversation of a duping man. The man rented a house for 2 month, bought expensive items worth up to N50 million on credit. Left the rented apartment with all the appliances he has not paid for, after winning the trust of the sellers.

Hey peepz, I have a gist tho I don’t know if it’s true or not..But I will say it Sha. I was just walking on the street 2receive fresh air when I saw a couple. d man was telling his wife about an incident. I kukuma slowed down an walked behind them to hear d full gist.

It was more like a scam story. A certain man walked up to a Landlord in our area and requested to rent his apartment for 2 months, with the excuse that he was traveling to Canada and just came to Lagos for the Visa Processing.. They agreed on 150K.

The man paid and took ownership of the apartment.He then went out to Vendors in town and negotiated to buy expensive items on lease. With installment payment plans.. He was said to have collected home appliance worth N50,000,000 from various vendors.

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He then took them all to the apartment one by one to build trust. At least once they know he lives there, they can easily come around and pack their stuffs if he defaults, these people didn’t know what would hit them was going to be deadlier than Tsunami.

As agreed with the Landlord, the man packed out even earlier than expected… Left with all the items, of which he had not finished the payment..and the Landlord was so happy to have struck a better deal He immediately rented out the apartment to another family.

One by one, the creditors began to come in and same story was relieved to them.. Some fainted, some threatened hell fire …. To cut the long story short, Baba Ijebu was arrested alongside the new tenant.. You know Naija now… #POLICE  no wan hear wuen

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They were only saved after a Landlord intervened. He is a legal practitioner and took up the case. But sincerely speaking. I wonder how some people feel at rest knowing fully well their victims would suffer.  I guess it all centers on lack of conscience. This is bad #dojon

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js Read Also: UPDATE!!! Offa Bank robbers caught by the phones they gave their girlfriends

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How a middle-aged man died after withdrawing N100,200 from the bank will shock you

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How a middle-aged man died after withdrawing N100,200 from the bank will shock you

What could have taken the life of a middle-aged man, identified only as Muyibi, who collapsed and died in a commercial cab in the Ojota area of Lagos State.

PUNCH Metro reports that Muyibi boarded the cab after withdrawing money from a United Bank for Africa branch in the Ogudu area. Then the driver had turned to to take his fee from Muyibi when he realized the man had become motionless. After reaching the terminus, a resident told Punch’s correspondent that the driver alighted from the cab to slightly push Muyibi, who was cold.

The resident, who did not want to be identified, said,

“The driver had picked some other passengers along the way, and they had all paid and dropped off at their various bus stops.
“When the victim did not respond when they got to the terminus, the driver parked the cab to rouse him, but he was cold.
The driver raised the alarm, which drew the attention of commuters and passersby to the scene. People checked him and discovered that the man was dead.”

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Policemen from the Ogudu division were said to have been alerted to the incident. The driver’s vehicle was impounded just like that, while the man’s body was deposited in a morgue.

A source person at the terminus who spoke with Punch newspaper confirmed the incident, saying:

“It happened around 3pm on Friday. The man went to withdraw some money in UBA. The Ogudu Divisional Police Officer was compassionate; she pitied the cab driver, who had become jittery.
Although the man was not detained, his cab was impounded at the station pending when the deceased’s family would show up,” he added.

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Lagos state Police Public Relations Officer, SP Chike Oti, said the police recovered N100,200 from the victim’s bag.

He said:

“The man was on his way to Ojota when he collapsed and died. We recovered the sum of N100,200 from his bag.
He also had a phone, which had a new SIM card. There is no contact on the phone and nobody has called him. We have a lead as to where he could be living.
His body has been deposited in a morgue for autopsy.”

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