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Jokes to brighten up your day

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1.What is witchcraft?

Witchcraft is when your father sell his only portion of land and send you abroad to study Medicine and you come back after 7 years as a DJ

2.ur boyfriend’s friends know that you are not the main chick of your boyfriend and yet

they call you “Our wife” May something as heavy as Rick Ross sit on their destinies

Are we together?

3.I heard dat Ghosts chased the

Brazilian President out of

the Presidential villa.Nigeria

Ghosts una don see wetin una mates dey do? If it is to

marry a Human being and

become their spiritual Husband

or Wife, na there una go

carry First. ..

4.That moment that you are staring at an ugly girl.she will

‘ this boy is falling in love with

me’

not knowing that you are just

trying to figure out which

animal she resemble. 5.teacher,who betrayed Jesus

christ in the bible

IBNL JUDAS IS CARROT.

6.observed this lately Many

Nigerians will go 2 Russia

For the 2018 WorldCup Not to support Nigeria but to

look

For d founder of MMM.

7.When You are starving and

You Hear “Jellof Rice will

Soon Finish oo” But the Yeye Photographer will still Be

saying ” Oya Smile This Is the

Last One” ‘Say Cheese’

8.I wanted to go for jogging

this morning but

  Nigerians Will Guess This Wrong

proverb 28:1 says the wicked run’s when no

man is chasing them So I

stopped

9.Ghosts in Nollywood fear cars

when crossing the road

because they don’t want to die again

If you advise me to stay in

Nigeria ehn!

10.FRANCA So Bcus The Doctor

Asked You To Change Ur

Drinking Habit, U Now Drink Beer With Spoon.

You will nor kill me o

M trying to hold ma faint

11.A friend of mine asked me

if I’m willing to go to

London… See question!! Who wnt to sty here.

14.My mother-in-law visited me

and my wife

but coincidentally,that day my

wife was

feeling horny and she did not want to whisper to me

since i was busy sharing stories

with her mother. My wife

tricked me by pretending she

has headache and went

straight to the bedroom. After some minutes, I followed

her leaving her mother in the

sitting room.I took some

time there,but wen I came

back

I had forgotten to close my zip. Mother-in-law How is she

feeling now?

Me: She is now feeling better, I

have given her

paracitamol

mother inlaw ok close the pharmcy its open.

15.A man fainted in my domain

for reason best known to

him and he’s yet to rise, reason

being that he violated law

of fainting which says in section 14 (thus, Thou shall not

  Riot in Wuse market after VIO officers shoot driver and ran away with the body

faint without asking for

Fainting Space), In subsection

13,

it also says Thou shall not faint

without asking your neighbour to shift for you

before fainting. But that’s story

for another day

16.Dating a slim girll is good

and nice but don’t be

surprise wen she get pregnant because

she will look like spoiled Nokia

battery dat have swell up.

17.Girls have three type of

panties.

..Normal panties, Period/ menses panties and

“he is coming panties” .

18.Ladies are some how

wicked ooh Girls that are

snatching other

people’s boifriend, ARE THEY NOT

SEEING ME???

19.Me:hi,hw r u

OBONG: am fine….

Me:where r u?

OBONG: uniport… Me: what r u studying..

OBONG: banking and

surgery,,,,u??

Me: financial chemistry and my

sis (LOHITA) is studying

political carpentry..I tire for 9ja slay queens oooo’

20.GRACE : Baby are u still

coming ?. (11:00)

GRACE : Give me 20 minutes.

(13:15)

ME : ok, i’ll be waiting. (15:15) GRACE : just be patient. (16:00)

ME:Where are you now ?.

(16:30)

GRACE : Give me 30 minutes.

(17:20)

ME : Are you still coming ?. (18:00)

GRACE : I can’t make it, it’s late.

(19:00)

Some ladies are Evil

20.Not every girl who is single

looks terrible. Its just that some of them are drinking too

much.

21.I thought being a South

African was stressful till I met

an Arab guy called; Saq Madik.

  New Solar System Discovered Close To Our

How will he mention his name during job interviews?​​​​

Madam: Your full names

please?

Guy: Saq Mahdik

Madam: Suck what???

Guy: Mahdik…… 22.Evrythng on a woman’s

upper body starts wth B:

Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs.

& lower body wth P:

Petticoat, panties, pussy.

Dont panic bro Thats “BP” 4 u. 23.Mango : I am a yellow bone

when ripen, used for

making atchaar when raw, and

i look like a human

kidney.

Grapes: i am looking like a human eye, and i am a wine

raw material.

Banana : please guys, let’s drop

this topic.

25.Mosquitoes of nowadays

have no respect again.They will cum to ur ears nd be

singing: “Iffa tell u say i luv u

ooo.ur body,ur blood na my

own oo baby.30Litres for ur

tummy oo,malaria nd suckness

for ur body o baby”. A smart guy like me will quickly

compose my own track

Ar u don talking?

Ar u don talking?

Mosquito are u done talking?

Sniper fall on u Otapiapia fall on u

coil fall on u cuz i go kill u eeh

BONUS I told a lady my dad is a

FARMER,he has a

plantain plantation And she

also told me her uncle is a farmer,he has a cassava

cassavation,yam yamation and

maize maization I’m still

looking at her face since

yesterday, What should I tell

her?

Read Also: Mr 2kay sues Eko Hotel and Suites for N500 million after he was beaten to pulp in the hotel

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News

Boyfriend chops girlfriend’s head because her food was tasteless

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If you want to read the sad story of a frustrated man who beheaded his girlfriend because the cabbage soup she made was tasteless, stay on this page.

Boyfriend chops girlfriend's head because her food was tasteless

Boyfriend chops girlfriend’s head because her food was tasteless

The anonymous man also tried to take his own life afterwards, but it failed.

Mixed feelings – 😶.

The 43-year-old man  recently lost his job and took to drinking to hopefully suppres the pain.

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Suddenly he became angry when his 47-year-old partner cooked tasteless Shchi (cabbage) soup. He then chopped her head which lead to her death at their home in Kozlovka village, Russia.

Police officers found the body of the dead woman, with her head berated, in Russia, Smolensk region.

The woman’s lover has been detained at the couple’s home and a criminal investigation has been launched according to part 1 article 105 of the Russian criminal code – deliberate murder.

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People lived around said that the man was never that aggressive but after he recently lost his job and started drinking, he went bananas.

Boyfriend chops girlfriend's head because her food was tasteless

Boyfriend chops girlfriend’s head because her food was tasteless

There have been several cases where job loss can make one take the wrong turn in life and do something unimaginable. That’s why laid off workers need a therapist if any unusable behavior is read.

  New Solar System Discovered Close To Our

This is the second case in less than a week in Russia where complaints about bad cooking have resulted in murder.

Linda Ikeji reports that just last week, a woman murdered her husband by stabbing him at least 35 times because he had commented on the food she served their guest.

The husband said that the food she served their guests was lacking salt.

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Local Government Chairman kneeling down after he shouted “APC” during PDP campaign rally

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Francis Ayagah, Local government chairman of Gwer west local government area in Benue state kneeling down as instructed after he chanted “APC” during a PDP campaign rally.

Local Government Chairman kneeling down after he shouted "APC" during PDP campaign rally

Local Government Chairman kneeling down after he shouted “APC” during PDP campaign rally

Don’t put all the blame on Francis Ayagah. He was elected as LG Chairman under the sweeps of APC, but he defected to the umbrella of PDP after power changed hands in Benue state.

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Eunice Ortom, wife of Samuel Ortom, Benue state Governor organized a rally to campaign for the re-election of her husband as Gorvenor. Eunice Ortom hails from the local government which Francis Ayagah leads.

Francis Ayagah was called up to the podium to make a speech. Unfortunately for him, he lost track of the political party’s platform he is on.

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Report has it that he shouted “Aaaaa Peee Ceeee” twice to a crowd of PDP supporters who couldn’t hold back the disgrace.

Subsequently he was summoned by the leaders of PDP in Benue state and was seen kneeling down.

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Power Outage hit Murtala Mohammed Airport for five hours – Read what passengers did

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It came as a shock as Murtala Mohammed Airport in Ikeja Lagos State went into stone age for five hours. The airport experienced power outage which forced the terminal to switch to manual for continuity.

Power Outage hit Lagos Airport for five hours - Read what passengers did

Power Outage hit Lagos Airport for five hours – Read what passengers did

The General Manager, Corporate Communications, FAAN, Henrietta Yakubu, said that the power failure was due to a “minor electrical fault”.

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Sahara Reporters reported that sources close to the terminal reveal that some of the passengers had to pull off their shirt especially the males and use hand fans.

Phew.

Yakubu further stated that FAA  engineers were already working to rectify the “minor electrical fault”, assuring the public that normalcy would be restored soon.

  Riot in Wuse market after VIO officers shoot driver and ran away with the body

Yakubu added by saying that the outage did not affect normal flight operations at the airport and flight operations continued uninterrupted.

Well, the terminal crew switched to manual.

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