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11 Jokes that can brighten your face

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11 Jokes that can brighten your face

1.That’s how u will be Standing
Close to a
TRANSFORMER and ur village
People will start
whispering “one corner,one
corner
________________
2. Nothing is more painful than
using the
whole Saturday to wash your
boyfriend’s clothes,
Only for him to break up with
you on Sunday
morning.
Kill him The police will
understand
________________
3.
I beg o, I want an answer to this
question
*SIMILAR* and *SAME* are they
the *SAME* or
*SIMILAR ?*
_____________
4.
British English: *Knickers*.
American English: *Shorts*.
Nigerian English: *Short Knicker*.
Can you now see why we have
problems in this
country?
We are copying everybody at the
same time.
_________
5.I never knew recession was so
serious in
Nigeria…Until I saw two police
men sharing one
Gun
____________
6.*I thought I have seen
everything in life
until I saw a 16-yr old boy went
to a bar
and*
*drank 4 bottles of Guinness.He
got up to
leave and the barman asked him
to pay.*
*He brought out his birth
certificate and
replied;
*Not for sale to persons below
18yrs
____________
7.
Anytime you see a girl shaking
her buttocks while
walking, just Know she is going
to her guys place.
How did I know?? because it is
written in syrup
bottles
“shake well before use”
__________
8.Me and One girl were insulting
each other(i dont
even remember d reason y).As i
dey insult her d girl
no wan back down she gave me
d insult of my
life.She Said “You Know What
Boys are monkeys
with their tail in front ” My Guys
na serious
headache follow me home that
day
___________
9.A South African tweeted
“MY PRESIDENT IS THE WORST
PRESIDENT EVER!
WHY SHOULD THERE BE
ELECTRICITY FOR 23
HOURS OUT OF 24 HOURS? HOW
CAN CITIZENS BE
IN DARKNESS FOR ONE WHOLE
HOUR? I’M SO
UPSET RIGHT NOW!”
And then a Nigerian man quoted
and retweeted.
“Come to my country, you won’t
even have battery
to type this nonsense”
__________
Grandfather: When I was your
age, I
used to go to the supermarket
with N1=
and bring home soap, rice, milk,
bread,
wash powder etc.*
*Grandson : nowadays it is
difficult….There are CCTV cameras everywhere
________
11.Dating so Many Girls is just a
way of Confusing
the Enemy from Attacking your
main Girl……*
*But ladies will never Understand
This Strategy”*
__________

Read Also: Nigeria vs Argentina, 4 – 2 (watch this smart football play by super eagles)

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Employment seeking girl steals N108k from her prospective employer

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Opportunity comes but once, this young girl believes as she stole N108k from her prospective employer. A female jobseeker has been captured for taking One Hundred and Eight Thousand Naira amid her prospective employee meeting in Delta State.

It was accumulated that the businessperson at the organization had ventured out to get something, leaving the suspect in the workplace. The young lady professedly utilized the chance to take N108k and fled.

Good fortune, be that as it may, ran out on her, days after the fact, while going through the road where the workplace is found. She was expeditiously caught and dragged to her home where the rest of the cash was recovered.

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Lagos tenant uses Landlord’s apartment to dupe house appliance vendors of N50 million

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Read this narration by twitter handle, @Wenogetjob, which tells of how he eavesdropped on a couples conversation of a duping man. The man rented a house for 2 month, bought expensive items worth up to N50 million on credit. Left the rented apartment with all the appliances he has not paid for, after winning the trust of the sellers.

Hey peepz, I have a gist tho I don’t know if it’s true or not..But I will say it Sha. I was just walking on the street 2receive fresh air when I saw a couple. d man was telling his wife about an incident. I kukuma slowed down an walked behind them to hear d full gist.

It was more like a scam story. A certain man walked up to a Landlord in our area and requested to rent his apartment for 2 months, with the excuse that he was traveling to Canada and just came to Lagos for the Visa Processing.. They agreed on 150K.

The man paid and took ownership of the apartment.He then went out to Vendors in town and negotiated to buy expensive items on lease. With installment payment plans.. He was said to have collected home appliance worth N50,000,000 from various vendors.

He then took them all to the apartment one by one to build trust. At least once they know he lives there, they can easily come around and pack their stuffs if he defaults, these people didn’t know what would hit them was going to be deadlier than Tsunami.

As agreed with the Landlord, the man packed out even earlier than expected… Left with all the items, of which he had not finished the payment..and the Landlord was so happy to have struck a better deal He immediately rented out the apartment to another family.

One by one, the creditors began to come in and same story was relieved to them.. Some fainted, some threatened hell fire …. To cut the long story short, Baba Ijebu was arrested alongside the new tenant.. You know Naija now… #POLICE  no wan hear wuen

They were only saved after a Landlord intervened. He is a legal practitioner and took up the case. But sincerely speaking. I wonder how some people feel at rest knowing fully well their victims would suffer.  I guess it all centers on lack of conscience. This is bad #dojon

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js Read Also: UPDATE!!! Offa Bank robbers caught by the phones they gave their girlfriends

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How a middle-aged man died after withdrawing N100,200 from the bank will shock you

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How a middle-aged man died after withdrawing N100,200 from the bank will shock you

What could have taken the life of a middle-aged man, identified only as Muyibi, who collapsed and died in a commercial cab in the Ojota area of Lagos State.

PUNCH Metro reports that Muyibi boarded the cab after withdrawing money from a United Bank for Africa branch in the Ogudu area. Then the driver had turned to to take his fee from Muyibi when he realized the man had become motionless. After reaching the terminus, a resident told Punch’s correspondent that the driver alighted from the cab to slightly push Muyibi, who was cold.

The resident, who did not want to be identified, said,

“The driver had picked some other passengers along the way, and they had all paid and dropped off at their various bus stops.
“When the victim did not respond when they got to the terminus, the driver parked the cab to rouse him, but he was cold.
The driver raised the alarm, which drew the attention of commuters and passersby to the scene. People checked him and discovered that the man was dead.”

Policemen from the Ogudu division were said to have been alerted to the incident. The driver’s vehicle was impounded just like that, while the man’s body was deposited in a morgue.

A source person at the terminus who spoke with Punch newspaper confirmed the incident, saying:

“It happened around 3pm on Friday. The man went to withdraw some money in UBA. The Ogudu Divisional Police Officer was compassionate; she pitied the cab driver, who had become jittery.
Although the man was not detained, his cab was impounded at the station pending when the deceased’s family would show up,” he added.

Lagos state Police Public Relations Officer, SP Chike Oti, said the police recovered N100,200 from the victim’s bag.

He said:

“The man was on his way to Ojota when he collapsed and died. We recovered the sum of N100,200 from his bag.
He also had a phone, which had a new SIM card. There is no contact on the phone and nobody has called him. We have a lead as to where he could be living.
His body has been deposited in a morgue for autopsy.”

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